It's like those other fun and crazy events, but with only the crazy

Goddammit!!

I have missed every "Woodstock" there has ever been EVER! OK, I was a baby at the real one. And for the 1994 Mudstock (that's all I saw in the pictures: Mud and Mud People) I remember me trying to figure out how to work a broken tent, with absolutely zero help from my douchebag partner back then, who decided not to go after all.

And the 1999 one I was completely unaware of since I was turning into an old man who was still trying to figure out who Britney Spears was. On the other hand, sounds like that one was a violent clusterfuck.

And now I miss this one. A "Conservative" Woodstock? Well, I figure they wanted to keep the violence theme alive, so that makes some sense.

Man, and I coulda been part of this cultural milestone of a lifetime, all filled with aforementioned (that means I mentioned it a-fore in a prior post) Hillbillies of the Heart, the Tea Partiers.

I mean look who are the Jimmy Hendrixes of this one:


Oh wow, OK, I guess she's soooo early 2000s. They're not even letting her screech at the actual WOODSTOCK!!!
I'm telling you right now, in a few years, she's gonna be where Coulter is now. Also.


He's got the most gigs on the agenda. Boy needs work since the election. I know a place that would hire him by the hour.



Oh good freaking God! Singing her classic hit, "I am not a Bimbo!" I hope.
Oh never mind, she's got new material these days.


Reminds me of seeing Debby Harry at a True Colors tour where she wasn't allowed to sing any Blondie songs and we were all like, "well, what's the point, then?"


And who or WHAT the fuck is this???

Must be the magician act.

You know, maybe I'm ok with missing this one. I think I can recreate the effect of this WOODSTOCK!! by rolling in the mud while blindfolded, wrapped in chicken wire with a tree branch up my ass.